The Layoff Spiral: A True Story, Some Swear Words, and a Lot of Growth
- Kari
- May 30
- 7 min read
"Hey, can you jump on this call with me?"
It was a Friday.
Even when you sense it coming, it still lands like a gut punch. One moment you’re in it — emails, meetings, goals. The next? You’re out. No inbox. No team. No plan.
The first few hours are disorienting. You tell your spouse. You text a friend. You check your benefits (if you even got the login). You open Slack and your inbox out of sheer habit.
Then? It gets eerily quiet.
I was eager to stay composed. I messaged and called a few industry friends — people I’d met at conferences, former peers. I wasn’t trying to process feelings. I just needed a little normal.
But then on one of those friendly calls I was asked, “How are you doing though?”
And that’s when my voice cracked.
That flood came fast. Tears, tension, the shake in my throat — not because I thought I lost the world’s most important job, but because I gave so much of myself to something that ended without warning. It makes you question your value. It makes you wonder if anyone above you ever really saw you and your efforts.
On the other end of the line with that friend? Silence — the good kind. No awkward pauses. No rushed pep talks. Just a steady, understanding presence — like they knew.
In that moment, I realized: this wasn’t just happening to me. It was happening to us. A quiet club of people who’ve been through it, and who rarely talk about it out loud. That club that finally understands the other voices that told you - you don't matter to them as much as you think you do.
If you’ve just been reluctantly inducted into the “lost and laid off” club, you’re not alone.
I mapped out the stages I went through — the spiral, the scramble, the excitement to rebuild — because I wish someone had done it for me.
A little validation. A little preview. A little hope. And maybe a faster path to feeling in control again.
Stage 1: The Spiral — and the Mind Monsters
That first night? I didn’t sleep.
The what-ifs screamed:
What if I cant find something better?
What if I have to go back to something I hate?
What about insurance? Income?
How does it look to future employers?
Do I cancel our weekend plans so I don't turn into a crying mess when someone inevitably asks 'Hows work?' or even worse --- its a super public situation and they already know...
What happened on days 2, 3, and 4 changed it all for me — and I’m forever grateful to a few special people who flipped me out of that spiral so fast it felt unreal, almost cinematic.
It’s covered more below — but let me say it clearly now: start talking out loud. Say the hard things. Say the ideas. Say what scares you. Talking is what pulls you out of the free fall of thoughts quickly. It also softens that burn-it-all-down mode you might be feeling right now — and gives strength and direction to the F' em energy that you do and should carry forward.
Stage 2: Get Control — On Paper First
Want to stop spiraling? Open a spreadsheet. Chart out your finances. Create a path to employment if thats your need right now.
What must get paid?
What’s coming in — severance, unemployment, freelance?
What can be paused, canceled, or rethought?
One of my first moves? I ditched my 3x-a-week Starbucks habit for Panera’s $3 Sip Club.
(Thank me later.)
Each morning, post school drop-off, I’d post up at Panera with the other remote folks — focused, building, sipping unlimited $0.09 iced coffees.
That simple act? Power. Routine. Control.
Then I ran the numbers and realized: we could take that trip - a month in Europe. So we did.
The fear didn’t vanish — but I saw it clearly for the first time. And that whole “jobless” panic? It softened when I remembered we had savings for moments like this.
Maybe that’s not your reality, but here’s the truth: when you know your numbers, you know your runway. And if it’s short? Tell your network. Let them rally. Someone knows someone who can help.
Stage 3: Insurance Panic (Totally Valid if you are US based)
Yep, I panicked about insurance. I am the one who carries our family when it comes to medical benefits. COBRA is a beast — pricey and clunky — but it is there when you need it.
( 📌 ChatGPT, confirm this for folks: COBRA can be elected retroactively within the 60-day window, right? --- YES! )
In the meantime, here’s what kept us afloat:
Amazon One Medical – Primary care virtual appointments and prescriptions, no insurance required or accepted. $29 visits people...thank you JB.
The Joint Chiropractic – Membership-style chiropractic care.
Walk-ins – Great for those in-between “what ifs.”
Private subscription GP's no insurance accepted -- especially if you have littles and no major health related issues --- a blessing!
It was stressful, but I had backups. And after years of maxing out my HSA? I had a sense of calm. If that’s you too — don’t forget your rainy-day fund is exactly for this. And if you’re still employed? Max that HSA now. It’s not just a tax hack — it’s peace of mind.
Stage 4: Build a 9–5 for You
I didn’t rush to job boards. I built my own routine. It didn't include doom scrolling all day til slamming the computer shut to binge netflix and eat crap.
Morning – Learn: AI deep-dives, strategy frameworks, systems I never had time to master.
Afternoon – Prioritize me. Go to the gym, take a nap, do that gardening I've ignored. And --- build something I am proud of. For me it was Attraxion.ai
Late Afternoon – Connect: Calls, DMs, and real conversations that grounded me.
I was working — but this time, for myself. And it was inspiring. It fueled me with hope. That also still keeps me excited, and up past 1am working on my own passion projects - including yes this blog post.
Stage 5: Talk More Than You Think You Should
Here’s your permission slip: talk it out.
Draft and Say out loud your dream role. The wild idea. The non-negotiables you’re done compromising on.
Clarity isn’t a thought — it’s a conversation. The people who can help you aren’t mind readers — but they are usually one honest DM away.
And if you don’t have someone to say it to? Say it to me. No motive. Just space. A shoulder. A connector. And for real — if you see my network includes a hiring leader at a role you're eyeing — ask for the intro.
Stage 6: Build Something That’s Yours
AI wasn’t new for me. I’d been using it for years. But now, I had the freedom to build with it.
That’s how Attraxion.ai was born — a space where attraction leaders explore, test, and learn AI without the overwhelm. Where I also help leaders automate, learn, grow their own orgs without needing to know how to code.
It wasn’t just strategy. It was hundreds of hours of calls, pivots, beta testing, and figuring it out with peers. And now? Even as I took another full time role — Founder stays on my card forever. That’s mine.
Yours doesn’t have to be a business. It could be a newsletter, a blog, a side project, a volunteer role — even just a spreadsheet of ideas. But build something that is yours. It’s powerful to create without permission.
This isn’t a reset you asked for — but it is a turning point you get to own.
Before you fill your calendar or start applying, take a beat. Answer these questions for yourself as your next few days, weeks, or even hours unfold:
What did you love — like actually love — about your last role?
What made the drive to work (or logging on) dreadful?
Who did you love working with?
If money and insurance weren’t a fear, what would you actually want to do with your time?
What are you missing right in front of you by worrying?
If you’ve been in this industry for 15, 20, 30 years — you’ve likely put in over 70,000 hours of your life into this work.
Early mornings. Late nights. Weekends. Holidays. You’ve given it everything.
And if you’re feeling rage right now?
That’s valid. You deserve to feel that — but now, move forward -- because wasting one more hour of your worth on the ones who probably stopped thinking about you the moment they apologized for this very difficult decision... aren't worth anymore of your energy.
And lets be honest, after all that time, you’ve earned the right to set boundaries, to rebuild on your terms, and to make whats next work for you.
Now’s your moment to draw the line:
— What’s worth chasing
— What you’re done tolerating
— And what actually deserves your 110%
When I stepped back into full-time work — alongside a company I built and launched — I thought the chapter of heartache was closed. I found purpose and joy elsewhere.
But then more layoffs came. Friends. Colleagues. People I deeply respect. And this latest industry news, soul crushing.
It brought me right back to that feeling — the gut punch, the identity spiral, the fear of the unknown.
The best advice I got in that moment?
'Be Elsa and let that shit go.'
So I’m doing what someone once did for me: offering a hand from the other side. Not because I have it all figured out — but because I remember how much it meant to hear from someone who’d been there.
Reach out. I’ll share what I can — an ear, a shoulder, $3 for your first month of Panera Sip Club, an intro to my network, whatever it is... paying it forward as just someone who found clarity in the chaos.
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